You Don't Say That
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**DISCLAIMER: All characters and scenarios in this post are fictional.**
Linda attends a large public university in Oregon. Before coming to college, Linda was a closeted lesbian. In her hometown she never felt comfortable opening up to anyone, be it family, friend, or mere acquaintance. When she arrived at her university, Linda was able to find a safe haven with the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender) club.
As Linda got more comfortable at her university, she began to go out at night to meet individuals outside of her LGBT community. She was able to find friends involved in different parts of her college campus: multi-cultural club, Greek life, student government, and more.
One day, Linda is at a fraternity party with some of her friends in Greek life. While dancing and enjoying music, Linda overhears a conversation occurring at the beer pong table. One of her friends, Justin, is disappointed that his teammate is taking so long to finish his drink. She overhears him say, 鈥淭hat鈥檚 so gay.鈥�
Linda confronts Justin and expresses her distaste with the language he used. She tells him 鈥済ay鈥� shouldn鈥檛 be a slang-term for lame or stupid. Justin doesn鈥檛 understand what the big deal is. He tells her that he is fully accepting of homosexuality and didn鈥檛 mean any harm with his words. Linda doesn鈥檛 accept this, refuses to speak to Justin again, and leaves immediately.
A few weeks later, Linda and Justin are at the same nature hike with the Wilderness Club. At the end of the hike, there is a waterfall where you can jump into a lake below. Justin overhears Linda telling one of her friends to 鈥淢an up.鈥� He confronts her about the term, saying that man up implies gender norms. Linda doesn鈥檛 understand why he鈥檚 so upset with this term. She says that it is used universally and isn鈥檛 supposed to insult anyone.
Do you think there is a difference between using the terms 鈥淭hat鈥檚 so gay鈥� and 鈥淢an up?鈥� Is it okay to use either of them? Does American culture condone this type of language? Does the unconscious use of these terms contribute to harmful stereotypes or does everyone understand that they don鈥檛 really mean anything?
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by Gian Franco Costa Albertini available under a Creative Commons license.